The adventures of Rick and Pearl
by MrRedSnake
Summary: Years have gone by and everyone's favorite mad scientist has lost his assistant, meanwhile, a former Crystal Gem has lost her family as well and has a mighty thirst for adventure What will happen when these two come together? Action! Adventure! Romance? No probably not romance, or maybe there will be, you'll have to read to find out. BOOM! Now that's how you do a freaking summary!
1. Episode 1: The past is gone

Rick:

It had been around five years since Rick had returned to his family, Morty and Summer had both gone to college and started lives of their own and for the first time in a while, Rick had felt truly alone. Sure he still had Beth who had plenty of time to spare having been divorced from Jerry for some time now, but it just wasn't the same. He spent most of his time alone in the garage he called his workshop either inventing something far beyond human comprehension, getting drunk, or both.

Mainly both.

Rick was on the verge of his third scientific breakthrough of the morning when he had run out of the Schmelbonian crystals he needed to complete it "SHIT!", he screamed loud enough to be heard through the house, he knew this because Beth came in to check on him, "Everything alright dad?" she asked concerned for his well-being, "No." he replied "I was ju-ugh-st about to finish this fucking thing when I ran out of fucking crystals, now I've got to go to another fucking dimension to get more" Rick said, the annoyance in his voice apparent. Beth had a thought "Oh, well maybe you could use some help or maybe just some company.", Beth knew how her father had been feeling lately and tried her best to help him, but it never worked out as she'd hoped, "Th-That's alright sweetie, it's just a simple retrieval mission. It shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes." Rick said as he entered the coordinates into his portal gun, "Alright, well be safe" Beth said, "I will." Rick said as he opened a portal and stepped through.

Rick looked around at the world he'd ended up in, "What the hell?", he was on a beach, he could see a boardwalk in the distance, and a large statue not far from him, "I must have put in the wrong coordinates.", Rick began to inspect the device when it started sparking in his hand, he threw it to the other side of the deserted beach and took cover as it let out a huge explosion.

Rick stood up and stared at the charred area of the beach as he let out the one word that came to mind.

"Shit."

Pearl:

It had been around three years since Pearl and the Crystal Gems had healed all of the corrupted Gems and saved the earth from the threat of Yellow Diamond and Homeworld, and with that, there was no need for the Crystal Gems anymore. The Gems had all gone their separate ways; Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot all went to college for their own reasons, Garnet went back to Homeworld to help repair the damage done by the Diamonds, and Lapis Lazuli went on to explore Earth with some rockstar she had become good friends with. The only one's left in Beach City were Pearl and Greg, and although they were on good terms, she and Greg didn't share enough common ground to hang out all the time as friends. For the first time since joining the Crystal Gems, Pearl was alone.

Pearl was sitting in the beach house reading the latest book she had gotten from the library, since her retirement Pearl had found human literature to be an excellent way to pass the time. She had just gotten to the story's climax when she had heard a strange noise from outside, she went to investigate the sound because let's face it, nothing exciting ever happens in Beach city anymore.

She walked out to the porch to look out at the beach, where she saw what looked to be an elderly human tinkering with a small device and mumbling to himself. Suddenly the device started sparking and the man threw it as far away from himself as he could and dove to the ground, Pearl went to go see what was going on when the device let out a large explosion. Pearl ran up to the scene without the man noticing and heard him let out a small word as he stared at the charred area of the beach. A simple one syllable word that she recognized as a human's expression of distress.

"Shit."

Both:

The portal gun was destroyed and Rick was stuck in the place he would come to know as Beach city until he could build a new one. Rick took a drink from his flask, "S-ohh-o much for being home in fifteen minutes" he burped out, he was taken by surprise by the woman behind him who was panicking over the situation, "What happened, are you alright!?" she was almost shouting, "Jesus Chri-!" Rick started to say, startled by the sudden appearance of a woman he didn't realize was there with him, he regained his composure and tried to assure the woman he was alright, why he didn't just brush her off with a simple 'I'm fine, fuck off' he may never know, but for some reason he decided to be pleasant 'At least by Rick standards', "Yeah I'm alright, just pissed off by the fact that I'm now stuck here until I can rebuild my ride home", 'Ride home?' Pearl thought confused, she had seen the device before it blew up, and to the unknowing observer, it didn't look like any kind of transportation device.

After a moment of silence, Pearl spoke up "Would you like to come inside? I could make you some tea.", Rick thought about it for a moment, he usually didn't drink anything that wasn't spiked, but some tea might help him calm down and get his thoughts together, "Yeah, sounds good.". The two started walking toward the temple when the silence was broken yet again "I'm Rick, by the way, Rick Sanchez." Pearl proceeded to introduce herself "I'm Pearl".


	2. Episode 1: The future is here

Rick was sitting on the couch in the beach house when Pearl came over with the tea and sat down next to him, Rick lifted the cup to his lips when he noticed that Pearl wasn't having any, "You don't like tea?" he asked, "Hm? Oh, no I don't drink." Pearl said not realizing how that may have sounded, Rick understood what she meant though, "So what, you're some kind of alien or something" Rick asked bluntly, Pearl was taken a bit off guard by this as most people assumed she was just a pale human, "How did you know?" she asked, "The rock in your forehead helped a little." Pearl reached up to touch her gem as Rick continued "Don't worry I'm not space-ist or anything, hell all of my best friends are aliens.", Pearl's eyes widened as the man said this, "Wait, what?" she asked to make sure she heard him right, "Aliens? As in from space?" she continued, "Y-ehh-p" Rick burped.

Pearl was shocked by what she'd just heard, had this man really been to space? Did he have some kind of a ship? Or maybe... "That small device that you had, the one that blew up on the beach, what did it do?" Pearl asked, "It opened holes in the fabric of reality and let me travel to other dimensions." Rick said as if it was nothing, he continued, "And now I'm stuck here until I can build a new one.".

Pearl was intrigued to say the least, to say Rick was smart compared to other humans was an understatement, but even the Gems had no means of inter-dimensional travel. There was a short pause as Rick held his head in frustration, "Rick.", The scientist looked up as she spoke, "I may not have your knowledge on the subject, but if you need any help, I'd be glad to lend my services.", "No that's fine Pearl, I don't want to take up any more of your time.", that's what he said, but he meant that he was worried she'd get in his way, and it seemed as though she knew this, "It will be no trouble at all Rick, and I think it will reassure you to know that I do have a fairly advanced knowledge of science and technology", this did reassure him, "Alright, but the only problem is I don't have my equipment, and unless you've got a shed full of spare parts I'm still screwed" there was a brief pause before Pearl spoke, "Actually".

The two opened the door of the barn that the Gems, Lapis Lazuli and Peridot once called home, "There should be plenty of spare parts and tools to work with in here, maybe even some Gem technology that Peridot left behind.", Rick looked around examining the weird sculptures that littered the building, "So these chicks were artists or something?" Rick asked, Pearl replied "I believe they called them MeepMorps", Rick rolled his eyes "Funny, the Wimblex people have a word like that, it means excrement" Pearl chuckled "I guess it's a fitting name then" Rick laughed at this, in the short time he's known her he didn't take Pearl as the kind of person to make many jokes, "Alright, I can work with this." Rick said, "Excellent, when should we start?" Pearl asked excitedly, "R-ugh-ight now." Rick said as he kicked over one of the sculptures.

The two spent the rest of the afternoon working on the portal gun, and even though she trusted his judgment Pearl couldn't help but feel concerned by the fact that Rick kept drinking from his seemingly endless flask which reeked of some kind of alcohol she couldn't quite put her finger on, "Are you sure you should be drinking?", Rick rolled his eyes at the familiar question, "Look Pearl, I've had to rebuild this thing so many times I cou-ugh-ld probably be comatose and still do it", Pearl shrugged at his statement as he finished up the device, "Alright, let's take this baby out for a test drive!".

Rick punched in the coordinates for his own dimension and shot open a portal, Pearl was ecstatic that it worked, Rick, however, had a grim look of realization on his face, "Oh shit." Pearl turned to him and asked "What's the matter, it's working correctly isn't it?", "Yeah, there's just one problem, I put the coordinate screen on upside down.", at that very moment a large tentacle came out of the portal and attempted to grab Pearl, however, she was far too quick for the beast, she summoned her spear from her gem and began the attack on the monster. Not one for being unprepared, Rick pulled a laser gun out of his lab coat and joined in the fight.

The two had managed to beat the monster back into the portal which then proceeded to close. Pearl was filled with adrenaline, it having been a while since she'd last had a good fight, "So, does this type of thing happen to you a lot?", Rick was fixing the screen on the portal gun so this wouldn't happen again, "W-ugh-ay too fucking much", Rick said "What about you? Nobody fights a giant squid monster that well without some experience.", "Oh Mr. Sanchez, I've been fighting monsters since before you were born.", Pearl smugly boasted.

Rick opened a portal to the right dimension this time and turned to go, he then stopped, "Hey Pearl", she listened as Rick continued to speak "I could use someone to help me out with my work, someone who can hold their own in a fight that I won't have to bail out every five minutes, if you're interested.", Pearl thought about it for a second, she had just met this man, he was crude, he was vulgar, he was constantly burping mid-sentence, and on top of all that she had only known him half a day... and it had been the most exciting day she'd had in years.

"Will it be dangerous?" she asked, "Hell yeah", she paused again even though she had already made her decision, "Alright Rick, you've got yourself a partner." A huge, almost disturbing grin came across the old man's face as she said this, "Great. Because I just wasted a whole day of work fixing my portal gun to get out of a dimension I didn't even mean to go to, and guess what, I STILL NEED TO GET THE SCHMELBONIAN CRYSTALS THAT I WENT TO GET WHEN I ENDED UP HERE! AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME GET THEM PEARL, AND WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH THAT WE'RE GONNA GO ON MORE ADVENTURES! ADVENTURES ACROSS THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND OTHER UNIVERSES AND NO ONE'S GONNA STOP US! IT'S RICK AND PEARL FROM HERE ON OUT NOW, RICK AND PEARL ADVENTURES FOREVER AND EVER! THE ADVENTURES OF RICK AND PEARL 1,000,000 YEARS FOREVER! WWW DOT FANFICTION DOT NET SLASH THE ADVENTURES OF RICK AND PEARL"

Rick continued his rambling tirade, while Pearl only had one thought, "What on earth have I gotten myself into?".


	3. Episode 2: To friends, old and new

The scene opens with Rick and Pearl in Ricks ship, you know, the ship made out of spare parts and garbage, filled with empty alcohol containers, needless to say, the always clean and organized Pearl took some issue with this fact, "I don't understand how you could possibly live like this! This ship is a disgusting mess!" she seemed to be having a meltdown, "Hey you're free to leave anytime you want, just don't expect me to stop for you.", Pearl scoffed at Ricks remark and turned her attention toward the window, maybe the endless void of space would take her mind off the mess she was currently riding in.

She stared out at the cosmos with wonder, "It really is amazing isn't it?" she said, "I never thought I'd be able to see the universe like this again, but here we are." she was talking more to herself than to Rick, but he responded anyway in a sarcastic tone " _Yeah it's great, a big pool of darkness with a bunch of gas and dirt flying around in it. Beautiful._ ". The insincerity in his voice wasn't lost on Pearl, spending all those years with Amethyst had made her more than familiar with the concept of sarcasm, "How could you not find this the least bit amazing?" she asked, "We are flying through the infinite void of space, albeit in a less than desirable ship, and you brush it off like it's nothing.", Rick took a drink from his flask and began to explain "L-ugh-ook Pearl, I don't give a shit about the _beauty of space_ or any of that stupid romantic crap, I'm interested in wh-ugh-ats inside it and how it can benefit me.", Pearl just crossed her arms and attempted to end the conversation "Fine".

The two sat in silence for a while with the only sounds in the ship being the radio and the occasional drunken noise from Rick. After some time Rick's seemingly endless flask had finally been emptied and he began searching the ship for a fresh bottle. Pearl noticed what he was doing and rolled her eyes, she didn't think Rick's alcoholism would be much of a problem when they first met, but she found herself trusting his judgment less and less by the day. "Doesn't alcohol impair a human's ability to drive?" Pearl asked in a somewhat condescending tone, Rick who was already annoyed at this point replied "You've got a problem with it? Take the wheel." Rick then removed the one hand he was steering with and continued his search, Pearl immediately grabbed the wheel to keep the vehicle in control, "I'm just saying that space travel can be very dangerous and maybe you should-" Pearl cut her sentence short to swerve away from an oncoming asteroid "See?!", Rick was getting sick of this stupid argument and decided to end it "Alright Pea-ugh-rl, if it means that much to you then you can drive next time.", Pearl nodded "That's all I ask.".

Rick reminisced about Morty and how he never gave him any shit about his self-destructive lifestyle, then again he did always bitch about how much danger they were constantly in, which Pearl didn't seem to have a problem with so far, so that was a plus. Rick was pulled from his thoughts when Pearl spoke up "So where are we going anyway?", Rick replied "I need to stock up on booze, and I believe there's a liquor store..." he paused until he saw the building on a small asteroid "Right here".

Rick landed sloppily and opened his door, knocking out several empty containers it the process, Pearl shook her head at this "I'm cleaning that thing out when we get back.". The sign on the building read "Space liquor", Rick rolled his eyes at this "Seriously? Space liquor? What kind of uncreative dipshit came ugh-up with that?", though she probably would have worded it differently, Pearl couldn't help but agree "That is unbelievably stupid.".

The two walked inside and Rick started grabbing as many bottles as he could carry, Pearl however just stood and watched deep in thought 'I just don't understand, Rick is a genius, by far the smartest human I've ever met, he must know that if he keeps drinking like this he'll die, yet he still does it.' Pearl kept pondering this thought 'Rick isn't the type of person to do something without a good reason. Could it be possible that he... wants to die?'.

Rick carried the booze up to the counter, as the clerk looked up at him both their expressions changed from boredom to surprise "Rick Sanchez? Is that you?", "The one and only, in this universe at least.", as the two were talking Pearl stood there somewhat shocked 'Rick has a friend? I thought he hated everyone. Not only that but he's actually smiling, sure he's smiled before for one reason or another, but for the first time since we'd met Rick seems genuinely happy', Pearls thoughts were cut short by Rick "This is Pearl, by the way, Pearl this is my old friend James Romblom.", "Nice to meet you" she said as she shook his hand, he looked almost human, except for the fact that his skin was green and his hair was purple, he replied "You too." he then turned to Rick and smiled "Rick, you lucky dog", Rick and Pearl were confused for a second before they understood what he was implying, "Oh no, we're not together" Rick said, "We're just friends" Pearl interjected, James chuckled as the two rushed to correct him "Alright, my mistake, sorry." he said with a smile "Hey I'm about to close up, you two want to stick around and catch up for a while? Drinks are on me.", Rick would have stayed either way but free booze is always a plus "L-ugh-ets do it.".

The three walked into the back room which was set up like a lounge area and sat down, James started the conversation "So Rick, what have you been up to all these years?", he answered "Well after I left the cause I went into hiding for a while, then I caught up with the family again spent some time with my grandkids, and recently I met Pearl since then she's been helping me out with my experiments.", one word Rick mentioned stood out to Pearl "Cause?" she asked, James got kind of nervous at this "Oh well uh, I don't think-" he was interrupted by Rick "It's alright James, she's alright", James shrugged "If you say so." James went on to talk about how he and Rick fought together against the galactic government, about the blood spilled by both friends and enemies, about the atrocities they had committed in the name of freedom. Anyone else may have been shocked and disgusted by what he described, but not Pearl, she knew all too well about the casualties of war.

James finished the story he was telling "Anyway, I haven't seen those guys in years, how bout you Rick? You keep tabs on any of the old crew?", Rick answered "A couple of them, Squanchy's doing great and Bird Person..." Rick paused and looked like he was holding back a pained look on his face "Bird Person's dead, gunned down by a federation spy at his own wedding… she was the bride." Rick took a swig from the bottle he was drinking from and the room went silent, eerily silent, dead silent, the kind of silence that no one dared to break, after a while it was finally broken by James "Well… I'm sorry to hear that Rick, I know how close you were.", Pearl, of course, was heartbroken, she had never seen Rick like this, he flinched when he felt her hand touch his shoulder in an effort to comfort him, Rick would never admit it but it did, more than Pearl could ever know.

After the tension died down a bit and the tone lightened up James had noticed that Pearl still hadn't touched her drink "What's the matter Pearl, don't like tequila?", "Oh, no I never drink" she answered, "Oh come on Pearl it's a party." James said before Rick interrupted "Y-ugh-our wasting your breath James, she's a square.", "I am not a square." Pearl retorted, James interjected by saying "Well then prove it, join us in a toast.", "Alright I will.", the trio all lifted their glasses as James spoke "To friends, old and new" they all drank at the same time, Pearl's face took on that of a more sour expression when she finished which gained a laugh from everyone in the room, even her.

The night went on and the three continued to have a wonderful time. After a while, the copious amount of alcohol had caught up with Rick and he passed out on the couch, Pearl watched as James made sure he was completely unconscious "He's not getting up anytime soon" James said as he whipped out what looked to be a phone, "What are you doing?" Pearl asked with genuine curiosity, James looked up "Oh, I'm turning him in for the huge price on his head." he said with a smug grin, "You're what!?" Pearl shouted, James ignored her as he began talking on his phone "Yes hello? I happen to have the notorious intergalactic terrorist Rick Sanchez passed out on my cou-" he was cut off as Pearl grabbed the phone from his hand and crushed it in her fist, "What the hell are y-" this time he was cut off by Pearl slamming her fist into his jaw.

Pearl was furious "How could you do this to Rick? He was your friend! You two fought alongside each other! Does that mean nothing to you?!" Pearl shouted at the man on the floor, "Pearl you have no clue what you're talking about, I know Rick, he'd do the same thing to you or me if we were in his position." James bargained "Look, we can split the reward money 50/50 and it'll still last us both until long after we're dead.", Pearl was shocked and disgusted by the offer she was just given "I don't want your dirty money you lowlife, disgusting..." Pearl paused for a moment to carefully choose her next word, and she settled on one that would make Rick proud "ASSHOLE!", **BANG,** Ricks laser gun went off beside her and put a hole through James' head, Pearl looked to her left and saw Rick standing next to her with the weapon in hand "L-ugh-et's go, federation cops are gonna be here any minute." he said slurring and stammering over every word "I'll dr-ugh-ive." as Rick said this he nearly collapsed, but Pearl caught him before he hit the ground "Drive? You can barely even walk." she said, Rick didn't even argue as Pearl rushed him into the ship and took the wheel.

Pearl sped out of there as fast as she could just as the federation cops showed up, and they proceeded to give chase. As she was trying to evade the police Pearl heard a familiar song come on the radio, it was an upbeat garage rock song that she remembered from a few years ago "Oh I love this song." she said casually as she turned up the volume, as Rick saw this he couldn't help but admire how Pearl kept her composure through this situation, as well as how skillfully she was flying from the cops, he couldn't help but think it was… kind of hot, Rick shook his head at this idea 'Maybe I am a little drunk' he thought. He was brought back to reality by Pearl when he heard her say "Hold on!" as she flew into an asteroid field.

Pearl had expertly maneuvered passed all the space debris and managed to lose the cops in the process. The song on the radio had ended and was replaced by an alert "Be on high alert, dangerous fugitive Rick Sanchez has just escaped federation pursuit with an unidentified female accomplice believed to be his wife." the two groaned at the fact that for the second time tonight they'd been mistaken for a couple, Rick unscrewed the bottle that he was still holding from before and lifted it to his lips, he didn't even get to taste the glass before Pearl ripped it from his hand and downed it to the last drop, "I thought you didn't drink." Rick said, Pearl chuckled "I thought I'd try it, seeing as it works for you.", Rick smirked at her statement and turned toward the window at the endless void of space, in the distance he could see a nebula and even a few comets "I guess it actually is kind of pretty, I mean it's not really my thing, but I guess I can see why you like it so much.", Pearl smiled at his statement.

Pearl continued to fly back to earth, content with how the night turned out, it seemed as if she and Rick had a better understanding of each other as if now their friendship could truly begin. Rick woke up the next day in a bed that wasn't his own, as he looked around he realized that he was in the loft of Pearls beach house sleeping in the bed that had at one time belonged to the young half-Gem, Steven Universe. In his hungover state, Rick almost didn't notice Pearl coming up the stairs with two cups of coffee, "Here" she handed him the cup "My friend Rose used to make this for her boyfriend whenever he drank too much" Pearl said, there was a short pause before Rick took the cup, "Thanks.".

They both sat on the bed, drinking coffee in comfortable silence.


	4. Episode 3: Rick season

**A/N: Before I begin this chapter I would just like to thank everyone reading, both those who've been following from the start as well as newcomers alike. I really appreciate the feedback I've gotten so far, it truly warms my black empty heart to read your reviews whenever I post a new episode. Speaking of reviews, I'm taking some advice I got last time about starting a new line of text when another character starts speaking, quite frankly I don't know why I didn't do that from the start.**

 **So without any further ado, here is "The adventures of Rick and Pearl Episode 3: Rick season"**

Rick and Pearl were sitting around the house, taking a well deserved day off, and watching some inter dimensional TV.

"Rick, I really don't understand this movie" Pearl said, she was trying to keep an open mind about the strange film but was having trouble wrapping her head around the ridiculously over-complicated plot.

"W-ugh-hat's there to get?" Rick asked, "They're two brothers, th-they have a really close bond, and they're blowing shit up to save the world from space Mexicans." Rick paused for a moment to reevaluate the verbal excrement that just came out of his mouth "alright I kind of get where you're coming from, but what it lacks in a coherent plot it makes up for with kickass explosions.".

After a minute the movie cut to a commercial for the upcoming film "Top-hat Jones VS The Eyehole man", and Beth had walked into the room "Dad, I'm going to the store let me know if you-" she had cut her sentence short when she noticed Pearl sitting on the couch "Oh hello." she turned to Rick and started to speak again "Dad, who is-" she was cut off by Rick who had predicted her question.

"Beth this is my friend Pearl, Pearl this is my daughter Beth." Rick said plainly without looking away from the TV.

Pearl stood up to greet Beth properly "It's very nice to meet you.", she extended her arm for a handshake which Beth gladly returned.

"You too, it's always nice to meet one of my father's friends." they broke the handshake and Beth turned to Rick "Dad, can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

"Why?" Rick replied still not turning his head from the TV.

"I just wanted to ask you something." she replied.

Rick sighed and got up, he followed Beth to the kitchen and began to speak "Alright Beth, what was so important that-" Rick's sentence was cut short when Beth threw her arms around him in a hug.

"I am so proud of you for finally putting yourself out there and finding someone" she said

Rick was annoyed at the fact that he had to make this correction yet again, "I sw-ugh-ear to god if I have to say this one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot someone in the balls. Pearl and I are just friends, if even that."

"Alright, I get it." Beth said understandingly "Still this is a great milestone for you, and I'm proud of you." Beth then broke the hug and walked out.

Rick rolled his eyes and made his way back to the living room to rejoin Pearl on the couch where they continued watching the movie about two brothers. About a half an hour later the movie had ended and Rick was flipping through the endless number of channels looking for something worth watching.

"So your TV can pick up signals from alternate universes?" Pearl asked

"Y-ugh-up, infinite channels from infinite timelines, you'd think with those numbers we'd have a better shot of finding something to w-ugh-atch."

Pearl took a moment to ponder the implications of an infinite multiverse when a question popped into her mind "So with infinite timelines, that would mean that there are infinite versions of us, correct?"

"Yup, infinite universes all with their own Ricks and Pearls." Rick stated

Pearl replied "Well if it's all the same to you, I think one Rick is more than enough.", Rick chuckled at Pearl's remark, in the rare event that Pearl does make jokes they always get a laugh out of him.

Then, almost as if it was summoned by a mediocre fanfiction writer, a familiar green portal suddenly appeared in the living room, Rick let out an exasperated sigh "God, not these fucking assholes."

Pearl was confused by what was going on "What is it? Who are they?", as Pearl asked this three Ricks in official uniforms stepped out of the portal.

"Me." Rick got up and walked over to confront… himself I guess, "What do you D-bags want?"

The Rick in the center spoke up "Rick Sanchez of dimension C-928, the council of Ricks requests your presence."

"Well then, why don't you just run back to the council and tell them to blow me, I think I made it pretty clear that I don't want to be a part of their stupid little club anymore." Rick, our Rick, stated

Pearl decided to interject into the conversation "Hold on, just what is going on here? What does this council of yours want with Rick anyway?", Pearl awaited an answer that wouldn't come

The other Rick just looked at Pearl and gave an impressed whistle "Wow C-928, I didn't know you had it in ya, you are one lucky bastard."

Rick said nothing, he just pulled out his gun and shot the other Rick in the balls.

Rick was escorted into the citadel of Ricks in handcuffs with Pearl walking next to him, going on about why he shouldn't shoot people in the balls. When Pearl finished reprimanding Rick, she looked around at the nearly empty citadel, she saw a few Ricks some of which were accompanied by their Mortys, but other than that the place was almost abandoned "Rick, what is this place anyway?" Pearl asked

"The citadel of Ricks" one of the official Ricks stated

"She was talking to me dipshit!" Rick exclaimed, he then continued "This is the place where Ricks from all different dimensions come together as a kind of a community, or at least it used to be."

"Used to be? What happened?" Pearl asked

"A few years back, a rogue Rick infiltrated the citadel and destroyed both it and the galactic government of his dimension. A lot of Ricks died that day, and most of the ones that didn't lost faith in the council, I was one of them.", as Rick finished telling the story he and Pearl were escorted to a room where the council was seated.

The council was now half the size it used to be and was made up of a completely different set of Ricks. The Rick in the center spoke up "Rick C-928, you have been called here because of a problem that threatens all of Rick-kind."

"Let me guess," our Rick began, "there's some rogue Rick going around killing other Ricks and you want me to stop him."

"That is correct." the council Rick said

"W-ugh-ell guess what, you're on your own." Rick said plainly

The council Rick was desperate "Please C-928 we need you, you're the best Rick hunter there is, and remember this does effect you too."

Our Rick just had a bitter look on his face as he spoke "I'm not worried, I can take care of myself, something I know from experience you can't do." Rick spoke angrily, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going home. Come on Pearl."

As Rick turned to leave the council Rick spoke up "Not so fast C-928!" Rick turned his attention back as the council Rick continued "It's come to my attention that on your way here you shot a Rick in the balls."

"Yeah, wh-ugh-at of it."

"That's a rather serious crime, one that could even get you sentenced to the machine of unspeakable doom." the council Rick said

Rick got a bit nervous upon hearing this, Pearl just glared at him with an 'I told you so' look.

The council Rick spoke again "However, we would be willing to overlook this if you were to help us with our little rogue problem."

Rick had two choices now 'get stabbed in the balls every ten seconds for the foreseeable future' or 'risk his life hunting down and killing a crazed serial murderer'. The decision was pretty easy, "Fine, I'll help you" Rick said in defeat

The council Rick smiled "I thought you might", he then ordered that Rick's handcuffs be removed, once they were off he was handed a file "This is the case file, it contains-"

Rick cut him off "Yeah yeah, I know what it cont-ugh-ains, I've done this before remember."

After Rick and Pearl tracked down the rogue, they traveled to the dimension where they anticipated he'd go next, when they got there Rick went over the plan "Alright, all we have to do is find this dimension's Rick and the rogue will come to us, then we kill him. Oh, and you'll be needing this." Rick pulled out a gun and handed it to Pearl, who reluctantly took it

Pearl spoke in an uneasy tone "Rick, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I don't think I feel comfortable killing you"

"Tr-ugh-ust me it's fine, I've killed myself plenty of times." Rick said trying 'and failing' to put Pearl at ease.

They made their way to this dimension's Rick's house where he was in his workshop with the garage door open, our Rick let himself in, and injected something into the other Rick's neck before he even had a chance to notice, "Nothing p-ugh-ersonal bro, this will just be a hell of a lot easier if you're unconscious." the other Rick then fell to the ground "Pearl, help me get him in that cabinet over there."

As they were stuffing the Rick into the cabinet they heard a pubescent voice from inside the house "Hey R-Rick? What's going on in there? Do you need some help with something?"

Rick cursed under his breath and shoved Pearl into the cabinet with the other Rick

"Hey what are-" Pearl was cut off by Rick slamming the cabinet door shut, as he did this Morty walked into the garage

He turned to face his 'grandson' "Oh hey Morty" Rick acted as casually as possible

"W-What was all that noise in here?" Morty asked

"I was just working on an experiment Morty, nothing to worry about." as Rick said this a portal opened and the rogue Rick stepped out "Except that."

The rogue pulled out a gun and aimed it at Rick, Rick pulled his own gun at the same time and shot the weapon out of the rogue's hand, the rogue then grabbed Morty and used him as a human shield "Drop the gun, you wouldn't want your Morty getting hurt, would you?"

Rick stood his ground "Like I give a shit, he's not even my Morty"

"What the hell?! R-Rick, what's going on?!" as Morty was panicking, the rogue threw him at Rick, knocking the gun out of his hand.

He then proceeded to tackle Rick and the two struggled on the floor, "Pearl, a little help would be nice!" Rick shouted

Pearl then burst out of the cabinet pointing the gun at the Ricks, there was just one problem, she didn't know who to shoot "Oh dear."

"Are you kidding me!? We're doing THIS cliche?!" Rick shouted

"Come on Pearl, just shoot him and get it over with!" the other Rick said

Pearl was at a loss for what to do "Give me something to work with, tell me something only my Rick would know."

One of the Ricks stood up to speak "Come on Pearl, you know it's me, would I ever lie to you?"

"Yes." Pearl said bluntly

"Well I'm not lying now, just shoot this asshole so we can go home, please?"

Pearl had a slightly shocked expression on her face which turned into a smug grin, she then shot him in the balls, "Like my Rick would ever say please."

As the rogue was writhing in pain on the floor screaming in agony, Rick slapped a pair of handcuffs on his wrists, "Alright, now we've just got to get this asshole back to the citadel and we'll be good to go."

Pearl was glad the situation was over, but she still had one question "What about him?" she pointed to the Morty in the corner quivering in fear next to his unconscious grandfather

Rick shrugged "N-ugh-ot my problem." he then opened a portal to the citadel and dragged the rogue Rick through.

 **A/N: Well this took longer than I would have preferred, sorry about that, I've had a lot going on lately and I think this episode suffered greatly because of that. I really wanted to do something with the council of Ricks and explore what happened after it was destroyed in the show, but I had a hard time thinking of a good catalyst. I hope you were able to find some enjoyment in it either way, but still, this was not one of my better episodes in my honest opinion.**

 **Also, I noticed while writing this that I wrote Pearl as more of a sidekick than a partner, I'm gonna try to avoid that in the future, and might even center the next episode around her to balance it out. On top of that, I am officially retiring the joke that people keep mistaking Rick and Pearl as a couple, it has definitely run its course at this point.**

 **One last thing, I was thinking about starting a Tumblr blog based on the series, someplace where I can put updates, you guys can ask me questions about it, and maybe I'll even put up some artwork based on it. Let me know if that's something you guys would be interested in.**


	5. Minisode 1: The nocturnal habits of Rick

**A/N: Well the next episode is taking way longer than I'd prefer, but I'** **ve always believed** **that it's better to have a good** **piece of work** **later than a piece of crap now. But for now, here's a little "Minisode" to make the hiatus a little more bearable.**

Rick had been passed out in his workshop for hours when he woke up suddenly with a shout, "OH GOD NO!"

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" Pearl asked him in surprise

"Oh god, I just had this awful dream, there were seagulls everywhere and they-" Rick cut his explanation short when he realized who he was talking to, "Wait, what the hell are you doing here?"

Pearl started to blush as she thought of a way to answer the question "Um, well, you see", Rick gave her a questioning look as she continued to stammer, looking for the right words "I was watching you sleep."

Rick's face went blank, "I-I'm sorry, what?"

Pearl's blush deepened as she continued to explain herself "Well there was nothing to do back at the temple, so I kind of used that portal you set up in the barn-"

"To come into my house and creep on me." Rick interrupted

Pearl just continued to blush as she spoke "I-I'm sorry, I'll just go.", she started to leave as Rick started talking

"Look Pearl, I really don't care, if you want to watch me sleep go ahead, it doesn't matter to me." Rick stood up and gestured for Pearl to follow him as he started walking toward his room. As they both entered the small room, Rick took off his shoes and lab coat as he prepared to go to bed, Pearl sat at the foot of his bed as he started to lay down, Rick grinned as he spoke "Huh, didn't think I'd ever get you in bed with me."

Pearl chuckled at the crude remark " _Oh of course Rick, how could I ever resist you, what with your raging alcoholism, and your constant expulsion of offensive odors._ "

Rick grinned at her sarcasm "Yep, I'm a real keeper. You're a lucky lady." he then laid down completely and fell asleep almost immediately.

Pearl had watched Rick sleep for about an hour, she noted some slight differences between the nocturnal habits of Rick and Steven, the most noticeable being that Rick snores much louder, but overall she had grown bored with the activity, "Well, I guess I've reached the peak amount of enjoyment one can have on a bed." she said to herself, she pondered what she could do next when she noticed the space on the bed next to Rick, "Hm, I haven't tried sleeping in a while." she then proceeded to lay down next to Rick and fell asleep.

The morning after, Beth stood in the doorway of Rick's bedroom and stared blankly at the scene before her, Rick had shifted sometime during the night into a position where his arm was now wrapped around Pearl's abdomen. Beth just sipped her morning glass of wine and spoke as she walked away "Just friends my ass."

Meanwhile, a scene was being projected on the wall from Pearl's gem, one of her and Rick on an alien planet, fighting a large monster that looked strangely like a pizza.

Dreams are weird.

 **I hope there's at least one person reading this that ships Prick, or else I may have just pissed off my entire fanbase.**

 **Also, I have some really good news for you guys, the official Rick and Pearl tumblr blog is now up and running, now you can get updates between episodes, as well as ask me questions about the series directly, and if you're a creative type like myself you can even submit Rick and Pearl fan art and have it showcased on the blog if I like it. Get all the Rick and Pearl you can stomach at rickandpearladventures . tumblr . com**


	6. Episode 4: Rick to the future

**A/N:** **Well I was trying to keep a consistent schedule where I'd update once a week, but it looks like I blew that plan straight to hell.**

Our story opens with our heroes in the barn which Rick has started using as a secondary workshop because in his words "There's way more space and the seclusion means fewer people complain about 'horrifying sounds that aren't of this world'".

Rick is working on a new experiment while Pearl is curiously looking around the workshop helping out where she can, one box in particular marked 'Time travel stuff' catches her eye, "Rick, what's in this box over here?"

Rick turns toward her to see what she's talking about, "Wh-ugh-at's in the box marked time travel stuff? _It's my freaking pog collection_ , what do you think." Rick sarcastically remarked

Pearl rolled her eyes at the remark, "I meant specifically, did you actually find a reliable means of time travel?" she asked while grabbing what looked to be a metallic ball from the box

"No" Rick said, "I toyed around with the idea back in the day so I could go back and get some of this amazing McNugget sauce they had at McDonalds back in 1998 to promote that Mulan movie, but I realized that it was an overall pointless waste of my time, so I scrapped the idea."

"Oh" Pearl said passively as she examined the object in her hands, her face suddenly changed to one of confusion when she reevaluated what Rick had said "Wait, you tried to invent a way of traveling through time just so you could get some McNugget sauce?" she asked

"Y-y-you don't get it Pearl, this sauce was incredible and now it's g-ugh-one forever." Rick said

Pearl just shrugged "Alright, if you say so." she returned her attention to the ball "Still though, it would be interesting to go back and to any point in time, even if I have lived through most of it. Maybe go back and do things differently" Pearl's expression dropped into one of sadness and longing "Maybe even see old friends."

Rick dropped what he was doing and turned to Pearl "Look Pearl, I know it may seem nice to go back and change some things you regret, seeing if you can make your future just a little better, but really it's just a shitty pipe dream. I know it sucks but the past is gone, it's best to just keep moving forward until the inevitable sweet release of death."

Pearl grinned slightly at the old man's words, "Maybe you're right" Pearl started tossing the object between her hands

"O-ugh-f course I'm right, I'm a genius." Rick said as he returned to his work.

Pearl snickered at the remark as she continued tossing the object between her hands... until she dropped it. The device made a loud noise as it hit the ground, and with a bright flash of light both Rick and Pearl were transported to a barn filled with spare airplane parts and other junk.

After the light diminished and Rick's eyes came back into focus he looked around at his surroundings, and then at Pearl "What the hell did you do Pearl!?" he shouted

"I don't know! What happened? Where are we?" Pearl asked

Rick was fuming when he saw the semi-damaged time sphere on the ground "Oh don't worry Pearl we haven't moved, you just sent us back in time to god only knows when!" Rick answered, "And now I've got to fix this f-ugh-ucking thing so we can get back!"

"Well maybe I can help" Pearl offered

"Don't bother" Rick snapped back at her

Pearl could see that Rick was in no mood for her at the moment and acted accordingly, "Well then, I'm just going to go outside and get some air" she said, Rick stayed quiet as he looked for something to fix the sphere with, and Pearl just left.

Pearl:

Pearl stood outside the barn contemplating the situation she was currently in, "How could I have done something so incredibly stupid, I'm better than that." she said to herself "I know we'll get out of this, we always do, but Rick was furious, in fact, I don't think I've ever seen him so mad", Pearl continued pacing around and worrying about the situation at hand when she heard something in the distance "Is that… music?" Pearl listened closely to the familiar beat and walked off to investigate it.

Rick:

Rick continued ransacking the barn looking for tools to fix the time sphere with as he angrily mumbled to himself, "Everyone's always gotta t-ugh-ouch my stuff, don't they. O _h wow, Rick made a cool science thing, I'D BETTER TOSS IT AROUND LIKE A FUCKING BASEBALL!_ ", he found a screwdriver and started fixing the time sphere "I mean, I'd expect this kind of thing from M-ugh-orty or even Summer, but Pearl's supposed to be smarter than that, hell she's the only one I've ever come close to relating to on an intellectual level" Rick took a swig from his flask and continued working "I mean maybe I overreacted a little, and maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh toward one of the only… people I… actually… like" Rick's eyes widened at his sudden realization "Oh shit. I actually value her friendship. F-ugh-uck.".

Rick made one final adjustment and fixed the time sphere, he then proceeded to go outside and get Pearl, "Hey Pearl, I fixed it" Rick said as he looked around for the Gem, "Pearl?" Rick continued searching when he heard some specifically 90's sounding music in the distance "W-ugh-ell, I guess that's as good a place to search as any."

Pearl:

Pearl walked along the beach toward the source of the noise, "That music sounds so familiar, but I just can't put my finger on where I've heard it before."

Pearl walked toward the stage, which wasn't far from where she was, when the lyrics came into full clarity, she heard an almost angelic voice singing the words "What can I do for you", her eyes widened when she recalled where she knew the song from, and more importantly, who was singing it

"R-rose?" she couldn't believe what she was seeing as she gazed upon the extremely tall woman standing on the stage, serenading her boyfriend as he played guitar. She quickly took cover behind a large rock as she evaluated the situation "I remember this, this is the night Greg made that music video and I fused with Rose to make him jealous" Pearl looked at the stage to see just that happening before her eyes, and she started to feel sick as she realized what she did "I actually did that, I tricked Rose into doing the most intimate action that two beings can possibly do, just to make Greg jealous. I'm a horrible person."

"W-ugh-elcome to the club." she looked up to greet the owner of the familiar voice standing next to her.

Both:

"Rick, how did you find me?" she asked

"I'm a genius remember?" Rick said as he sat down next to her and pulled out his flask "Here, I feel like you might need this."

Pearl looked at the container in the old man's hand and reluctantly took it, she then proceeded to take a long swig and spoke when she finished "You know, it's one thing to remember things you regret, it's a whole other to see them happen right in front of you"

"Yeah, I saw what happened there." Rick looked at the stage to see the younger Pearl teasing Greg, "Man, you're really digging into that fat hippie."

Pearl buried her face in her hands "I know, and what did it get me? She chose him anyway, gave him an amazing child, and what did I get? A big empty temple because nobody wants to be around me."

Rick hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her "I uh, I'm not really great with making people feel better. Hurting people, that's more my area of expertise."

Pearl grinned, somewhat surprised at his attempt, but happy nonetheless. "Thank you, Rick."

As the two sat there for a while, handing Rick's seemingly endless flask back and forth 'Seriously, did he have another dimension in that thing or something? What the hell?', they suddenly heard a voice say "Amethyst, give us some privacy.", they then saw an object fly through the air into the ocean, followed by a purple blur spouting nonsense.

Pearl started to chuckle as Rick was trying to recall where he heard the name from "Amethyst, isn't that one of your old Gem buddies you told me about?"

Pearl smiled "Yes that's her" she said gesturing toward the ocean.

"Huh, not quite how I pictured her." Rick said

As they were talking they saw the young Gem turn back toward the beach… towards them.

Both fully aware of the rules of time travel, Rick and Pearl let out a simultaneous "Uh oh."

Before they could even think to move, Amethyst was standing right in front of them "Hey Pearl!" She looked at Pearl intently for a moment, "Hey wait a minute, something's different about you."

"Um, no there's not, why would something be different?" Pearl said in a very panicked tone

" _Oh yeah, nice save._ " Rick said sarcastically

Amethyst looked at the old man confused, "No it wasn't, that was a terrible save." she said

"I was being sarcastic. You know, sarcasm?" Rick said

"Sarr-cassum? What's that?" Amethyst asked

"It's when you say something you don't actually mean, usually to make fun of someone." Rick stated

Pearl's eyes widened as she turned to Rick "You're the one she learned it from! Do you have any idea how much frustration you've caused me over the years?!"

As the two continued bickering Amethyst's attention turned to the other side of the beach where Pearl was talking to Rose, she then looked back to the Pearl sitting next to her, then to the Pearl talking to Rose, then it clicked "Woah, there's two of you?! That's so cool!" she turned to the other Pearl "HEY P-", she was cut off by our Pearl throwing a hand over her mouth

Rick pulled a small bag out of his coat pocket as he began speaking "This is a bag of Schezwan flavored chips, they're delicious, and they're yours if you just walk away and pretend you never saw us.", Amethyst gave him a thumbs up, took the chips, and walked away. Rick pulled out the newly repaired time sphere "R-ugh-eady to go?", Pearl nodded and with a flash of light they were gone.

Amethyst:

Amethyst walks up to Pearl and Rose with her newly acquired bag of Schezwan flavored chips, Pearl gives her a questioning glance "Amethyst, where did you get those from?"

Amethyst looks up at her and say's sarcastically " _They fell out of the sky into my hands, where do you think I got em_ "

Pearl just looks confused "I don't understand, that doesn't make any sense."

" _Sure it does Pearl_ " She spoke sarcastically yet again

"It doesn't! And why are you speaking in that tone?"

" _What tone?_ "

This went on for a while until Greg came and told Rose he had something to show her.

Rick and Pearl:

Rick and Pearl appeared in the same spot they were sitting, only now it was the present day, Rick spoke first "H-ugh-ey, I'm gonna head back to my workshop, I've gotta do some research on something"

"Oh, would you like some help?" Pearl asked enthusiastically

"No, it's kind of a..." Rick paused to find the right words, "Personal thing."

"Oh, well you could stop by later, we could watch a movie or something." Pearl suggested

Rick smiled for a fraction of a second "Yeah, that sounds good"

The two then went their separate ways, Rick stayed true to his word and came to the beach house that night to watch Back to the future, the irony of that choice being completely lost on both of them.

The next day Pearl is standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, they weren't actually dirty she just enjoyed the activity, when a familiar green portal opened and everyone's favorite mad scientist walked through it, "Hey Pearl, y-ugh-ou busy?"

"Oh, almost never. What's up?" She replied

Rick opened another portal and gestured for Pearl to follow him through, on the other side of the portal was a beach, the same beach that Pearl had been living on for centuries except with one major difference, there wasn't a house attached to the temple.

Pearl began to speak "Rick?"

Rick had already anticipated her question, "This is a dimension that's identical to your own in every way except one." Pearl looked at him questioningly "In this dimension you were killed, I don't know the details, but what I do know is that over there is all the closure you'll ever need" Rick pointed to the other side of the beach where a tall woman with pink hair sat watching the ocean

Pearl tried to hold back her tears as best as she could, but to no avail, "Rose."

Rick nudged her shoulder, "Well, what are you waiting for? G-ugh-o get your woman." Pearl nodded and made her way to the other side of the beach, he watched as the two of them looked at each other in disbelief, as they began to cry, as they talked, after they finished talking they hugged, and Pearl made her way back to Rick, "So how'd it g-" he was cut off by Pearl embracing him in a hug and thanking him repeatedly.

 **A/N: Well I'd say it's about TIME I finished this episode, eh, eh, *Gets pelted with garbage*, alright I'll shut up.**

 **And be sure to follow rickandpearladventures on tumblr to completely overrun your life with Rick and Pearl goodness.**


	7. Minisode 2: Gem biology

**A/N: Pearl teaches Rick about Gems, and Rick teaches Pearl a little about humans**

Rick is a genius, nobody in their right mind would deny that, he's spent his life researching and learning the ins and outs of not only his universe but others as well, and after all his years doing this there's not much that surprises him anymore. So it's a bit of a strange sight to see him sitting on Pearls couch, jotting down notes, and intently watching a hologram of two Gems dancing together and fusing into one.

"And that's pretty much how fusion works" Pearl spoke in a way not unlike a college professor giving a course on Gem biology

"Alright, I think I get it, so Gems physical forms are just a projection of light, like a hologram with mass" Rick stated

"Yes Rick, exactly." Pearl said proudly

Rick continued "And fusion is where two Gems combine their forms to make a new entity"

"Precisely" Pearl said, "Now there are many different types of fusions, such as Garnet, Opal, Sardonyx, Rainbow Quartz, Smoky Quartz, and many more."

"And fusion is something only two Gems can do?" Rick asked

"Yes… well, sort of... it's complicated."

Rick kept jotting down notes, "Fascinating" it's not often Rick gets to use that word, but he really was fascinated, but there was one question he couldn't shake, "But, why?"

"Hm?"

"Why fuse, like what's the point?" Rick specified

"Oh" Pearl thought for a moment "Well there are a few reasons to fuse, fusions tend to be more powerful than regular Gems for instance, and there's also the intimacy factor."

"Intimacy?" Rick asked

"Well yes, many Gems fuse out of love." Pearl stated

"Oh, so it's like sex." Rick said

"Excuse me?" Pearl questioned

"You know, sex?"

Pearl just looked at him in confusion

"Are you telling me you've been on this planet for thousands of years and you don't know what sex is?" Rick asked

Pearl thought for a minute, "I believe I've heard the word before. Can you elaborate?"

Rick spoke as Pearl joined him on the couch "Alright, so when two people, for lack of a better word, love each other they do this thing where they… here let me just show you" Rick then grabbed his notebook and proceeded to draw an extremely detailed picture of two people having sex.

Pearl studied the picture for a few minutes, "Where did you learn to draw so well?"

"I majored in fine arts in college" Rick muttered, "The point is that this is pretty much what sex looks like. Understand?"

Pearl thought about it "I suppose so, but I hardly see how this is anything like fusion."

Rick thought for a moment about how he could better explain it "Well, would you describe fusion as a pleasurable, intimate experience?" Rick asked

Pearl nodded

"Well, so is sex" Rick said, he then proceeded to take a long sip of the tea he'd been drinking.

Pearl was still trying to understand but couldn't quite grasp the concept, "Could we do it?"

As soon as the words left her mouth Rick had spit his tea across the room out of surprise and burst into a coughing fit

"Are you alright, what's wrong?" Pearl asked concerned

Rick spoke between coughs "Jesus Christ Pearl, give a guy a little warning before you drop a bombshell like that"

Pearl spoke as she got up to clean the mess "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."

"No it's fine, you just caught me off guard is all", Rick stood up from the couch and pulled out his portal gun "Look it's getting late I'm gonna get going, let's pick up this lesson later, alright?"

"Oh, alright, see you then I suppose" Pearl said as Rick opened a portal to his garage and stepped through.

As the portal closed behind him Rick evaluated the situation that just took place, his mind was filled with questions such as 'Did I just refuse sex from an attractive woman?' as well as 'Did I just think of Pearl as an attractive woman?', Rick pulled his flask from his coat pocket "I sure as hell ain't dealing with this shit sober"

And then he got completely fucking hammered.

 **A/N: You know the funny thing is, I still haven't decided if they're going to get together by the time I finish this series, but to all you Prick shippers out there remember this, I love crushing people's hopes, so beware of the possibility that I'm actually setting you up for a huge fall.**

 **And don't forget to follow rickandpearladventures on tumblr, where you can ask me anything, submit fan art, and keep updated on the story. It's an absolute wonderland of Rick and Pearl, so go check it out. DO IT NOW!**


	8. Episode 5: Rick gets the sauce

**A/N: Oh look, I haven't published in over a month, and it would appear that this fanfic I started as a joke has gained a fairly good following, I should warn you that nothing really big happens in this episode, it's just about Rick finally getting that Szechuan sauce he wanted so badly**

"Rick, what are we doing here?" Pearl asked Rick as they stood in an alternate dimension's McDonalds parking lot

"Pretty s-ugh-ure I made it clear what we were doing when we left" Rick said

Pearl crossed her arms "On what planet does shouting 'THE SAUCE, THE SAUCE, HOLY SHIT IT'S THE SAUCE' then dragging me into some random alternate dimension, make it clear what we're doing?" Pearl said

Before they'd left, Rick and Pearl were watching a TV show from another dimension, when a McDonald's commercial came on advertising the Mulan Szechuan sauce that Rick had coveted for years. Naturally, Rick had gotten somewhat excited.

"I told you Pearl, back in 1998 McDonalds came out with this amazing nugget sauce, then they got rid of it" Rick explained "Now I finally found a dimension that still has it, and I intend to get it" Rick pulled a ski mask out of his coat "Now put this on"

Pearl looked at the mask before turning her attention back to him "Before I go over the incredibly long list of reasons as to why I'm not putting that on my body, can you please explain to me why?"

Rick rolled his eyes as if it was obvious "Because Pearl, they're only allowed to give you a couple of containers if you get it legitimately, and that's just not gonna be enough."

Pearl looked at him like he was nuts, which wouldn't be a completely inaccurate statement, "How does such a brilliant scientist come up with such a ridiculous idea?"

He looked her dead in the eye "I really want that sauce Pearl"

Later:

A portal opens in Pearls living room which Rick and Pearl walk out of wearing ski masks and holding several bags of Szechuan sauce. "I can't believe you talked me into helping you rob a fast food restaurant" Pearl said as she took off her ski mask

Rick put the bags in the fridge as he spoke: "Well you did pretty good for your first armed robbery." Rick said, "Did you see how scared that guy got when you threatened him?"

Pearl shrugged "He shouldn't have tried to be a hero"

"And so the student becomes the master" Rick said with a grin, he then started opening various cabinets which got Pearl's attention

"What are you doing?" She asked

Rick continued searching "Looking for something to put this sauce on" he stated, "You got any chips or something?"

Pearl rolled her eyes "You know how I feel about eating" Pearl stated "And it's bad enough you've somehow gotten me into drinking"

"Y-ugh-eah, I tend to have that effect on people" Rick said, "Well is there anywhere around here I can get some kind of dippable food?"

Pearl thought for a moment before she spoke "You could try the boardwalk, there are all kinds of shops there"

"Ah dammit, now I've got to go be around people, everyone in this dimension is s-ugh-o upbeat and irritating" Rick whined as he walked toward the door, "You coming?"

"No, I'm with you, I don't want to deal with them either" Pearl said "You're on your own this time"

Rick shrugged as he left "I'm used to it"

After Rick walked out Pearl sat on the couch and grabbed a book off of the coffee table, opening to the page she left off on, "At least now I'll get a moment of peace", almost on cue a green portal opened in the middle of the living room, "Of course not"

From the portal emerged an alternate Rick wearing an official uniform

Pearl got up to greet her guest, as unwanted as he may be "Um hello... Rick"

The official Rick kept a stern face as he spoke "Pearl G-117, we were never formally introduced, I'm Rick C-111, you might remember me as the Rick your boyfriend shot in the balls" His voice became a little more hostile toward the end

"I am very sorry about that, but you'll be glad to know that I gave him a stern talking to about it afterward" Pearl stated "Also, he is not my boyfriend, he's just a friend, a very very close platonic friend"

C-111 rolled his eyes "Yeah whatever. Honestly, I couldn't possibly care less about your relationship status or lack of one. I'm here on official business"

"Which would be?"

"To arrest C-928, he has become a dangerous liability and must be dealt with accordingly"

Pearls eyes widened at this as she panicked internally "Oh"

Meanwhile on the boardwalk

Rick walked along the boardwalk of Beach City, eyeing all the various shops and the people around them, it seemed everything about this dimension just seemed so happy and carefree, it was enough to make any Rick sick to his stomach. Rick came across one shop that stood out, particularly because of the giant donut on top of it, Rick shrugged "I've put weirder things in dipping sauce"

Rick walked into the store which contained a short woman at the counter talking to a long-haired fat guy that seemed oddly familiar. Rick walked around the store looking around at the various items on sale when he found a bag of chips, he brought the bag to the counter to pay for it.

"Will there be anything else sir?" the woman asked

Rick thought for a moment "Do you sell booze here?"

"No we're in a dry county, sorry" she said

"Jesus Christ, how does anyone live here?" Rick said in exasperation

The long haired guy spoke up "It's actually a pretty nice town once you get used to it"

Rick finally realized where he'd seen the guy before, only last time he was thinner and had less of a receding hairline "You're Greg, right? Greg Universe?" Rick asked

"The one and only, and who might you be?"

"I'm Rick Sanchez, I'm a friend of Pearl's."

Greg stood with his eyes wide like he was trying to process something

"Uh, are you okay man?" Rick asked

Greg snapped back to reality "Yeah I-I'm fine, I'm just a little surprised that Pearl has friends"

"Yeah, I probably would be too, we kind of met through a series of strangely convenient accidents, and just kept hanging out afterward" Rick explained as the two walked out of the shop

Greg smiled "Huh, good for her. I'm glad to see she's not just sitting in that temple all alone with a book or something"

Meanwhile at the temple

Pearl was trying to keep a level head as she tried to think up a good lie "Well, Rick is… not here, in fact, I haven't even seen him in… a few weeks" Pearl said

C-111 stood with his arms crossed "Uh huh", he walked over to the counter where a McDonalds bag filled with Szechuan containers sat, " _And I suppose these are yours?_ " he said with a sarcastic overtone

Pearl rushed over to where he was standing "Why yes they are" she said as she grabbed a container "I just love these… things" she then peeled the foil off and hesitantly dipped her finger in, she then put it in her mouth with an almost pained look on her face, "It's Szech-wonderful" she said on the verge of tears

C-111 kept a straight face through the whole performance "Yeah okay, well I'm gonna call in a few more Ricks, that way if he does show up we won't have any problems" C-111 pulled out what appeared to be a communicator which was quickly impaled on a spear "What the fuck?!"

"I'm very sorry about this" Pearl said as she flipped her spear over and hit C-111 with the blunt end. Hard. Right in the balls.

Meanwhile at the beach

Rick and Greg were making their way to the temple, after a moment of quiet Rick spoke up "Go ahead, say it"

Greg looked at him confused "Huh?"

"Don't worry, we get it all the time, you're wondering if me and Pearl are dating, right?" Rick said

"Not really, I mean, it's the 21st century, it's not unheard of for a man and a woman to just be good friends" Greg stated

Rick was surprised at his response "I think I'm gonna like you Universe"

Greg spoke again "But if you do start dating, just don't make the same mistake I did with Rose"

"Which was?" Rick asked

"I got her a diamond necklace for our one year anniversary" Greg said "In hindsight, I probably should have thought that on through a little better"

The two finally made it to the beach house where they saw something that would probably look pretty strange without any context, Rick C-111 was tied to a chair and Pearl was pacing the floor, "Rick, thank goodness you're back!"

"What the hell happened here?" Rick asked

Meanwhile, Greg was slowly backing out the door, deciding that he's already had more than enough excitement for one lifetime "Well uh, you two… three, seem busy so uh, I'm just gonna go"

"So what happened?" Rick asked again as he pulled out a bottle of vodka he'd stored in one of the cabinets

"I don't know! He just showed up, said he was going to arrest you, I panicked and hit him in his reproductive organs and now..."

"Pearl, calm down, you did fine, I couldn't have handled it better myself… Well, I mean, I probably could have, but still" Rick said trying to calm her down

Pearl took a deep breath to try and compose herself "Alright, thank you, but what are we going to do now"

Rick grinned "Well luckily for us I already have a plan" Rick said as he took off his coat and dropped his pants to the floor

C-111 finally spoke up "Oh shit, I don't like where this is going"

 **A/N: Scene removed due to Rick's glorious wang**

Pearl stood looking away from Rick until he was done executing his plan "You know, you could have told me the plan before you started to strip, or at least given me some kind of warning"

"Yeah, I could have, but it wouldn't have been as dramatic" Rick said as he finished putting on C-111's uniform, "Alright, you can look now" Pearl turned around to see Rick in the official uniform "What do you think? Do I still make this outfit look as sexy as ever?"

C-111 scoffed "You're not fit to wear that uniform, not after you disgraced the council like you did"

"Hey newsflash buddy, but the council didn't need my help to be disgraced, C-137 made that pretty fucking clear when he single handedly destroyed it" Rick said, he then got right into C-111's face as he intimidatingly spoke "And guess what, I always respected C-137 for that, he showed me that you can't rely on anyone, not even yourself. And you know what else? Today I'm gonna finish what he started" Rick then knocked C-111 out cold.

Rick picked up his discarded clothes and pulled his portal gun out of the coat pocket, "Okay here's the plan, I'm giving you my portal gun, hide it in your gem so they don't confiscate it, when the shit starts to hit the fan, and you'll know when it does, I have the barns coordinates saved, set it then get the hell out of there. If everything goes as planned we'll meet back up in the barn with one less group of people out to kill me"

Pearl nodded as she took the device

"Oh and one more thing" Rick said as he pulled out a pair of handcuffs "You're going to be posing as a prisoner"

Meanwhile in dimension C-928

The house was crawling with Ricks awaiting C-928's return, Beth was sitting on the couch panicking about the whole ordeal as a certain "Doofus Rick" was trying to comfort her.

"I just don't understand" Beth said "Why do you need to arrest him? What did he do wrong?"

"Well, that's kind of complicated to answer" Doofus Rick began to explain "The council sees your Rick as a potential threat and they're trying to stop him before he can cause any real trouble"

"So you're arresting him for something he didn't even do yet?" Beth asked angrily

"I'm really sorry Beth" Doofus Rick tried to apologize "I wish there was something I could do"

A portal suddenly opened to reveal Pearl and C-111 being led through by a disguised Rick, Beth immediately ran to the man she thought to be her father "Oh my god, are you okay dad? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SADISTIC BASTARD?!" Beth screamed at Rick

Suddenly C-111 spoke up "Listen, sweetie, it's gonna be okay, I'll be back as soon as I straighten this mess out, don't worry"

Beth then hugged him before they were split up by another Rick "Alright come on, we've got to get these two back to the citadel" the other Rick stated, he then turned to address the disguised Rick "You need any help with them C-111?"

Rick rolled his eyes "I think I can handle it"

The other Rick nodded and turned to address the room "We got em, pack it up everyone", all the Ricks began to gather their equipment and clear out of the house as our Rick did the same.

Rick portal'd to the citadel and began to escort Pearl and C-111 to a holding cell, the three making idle conversation on the way

Rick was the first to speak "Hey, thanks for calming Beth down back there C-111, you know I don't say this much, but I appreciate it"

C-111 shrugged "I hate seeing her upset just as much as you do C-928, you forget she's my daughter too"

Pearl looked around the citadel, it was mostly the same as it was last time she was there but with one major difference, in addition to the usual Ricks and Mortys that populated the citadel there were also Pearls, all different types of Pearls all with their own Ricks

C-111 took notice to Pearl's wandering eye "Yeah, I was surprised too when I first saw them, it started out with just a few, but then more and more Ricks were coming in with their own Pearl" he explained, "The crazy thing is there doesn't really seem to be any reason behind it like there is for Ricks and Mortys, Ricks and Pearls just tend to hit it off I guess. They meet, they become partners, friends, and even-" before C-111 finished they walked past a Rick and Pearl who were kissing, making our Rick and Pearl's respective eyes widen, " _Need I say more?_ " C-111 said sarcastically

The three had finally made it to the holding cell which Rick had locked Pearl and C-111 in and went off to do his work. C-111 laid down on one of the two beds, Pearl brushed off a spot on the other and sat down, "You've been surprisingly cooperative throughout this whole ordeal" Pearl stated

C-111 spoke without looking away from the ceiling "Of course I have, I'm a Rick, we work off of logic and reasoning, and knowing C-928, I've reasoned that we're all fucked, so now I'm just waiting to die" C-111 reached into Ricks coat, grabbed his flask, and had a drink

"You seem to have a bit of a history with him" Pearl said, "Were you close at one point?"

C-111 looked at her "He didn't tell you?" he turned his attention back to the ceiling "Typical" he took another drink "We were partners back in the day, we worked together catching rogues... he was my best friend… he was my..." he took yet another drink "It doesn't matter anyway, he turned on the council, he turned on me, and it's only a matter of time before he turns on you"

Pearl thought about this for a moment "You may be right, but if and when that day comes I'll be ready" she stated confidently

C-111 took another swig before he spoke "God I ugh-envy your conviction"

The two sat in silence a while before C-111 spoke up again "So be honest, what is it with you two?" he asked

Pearl was confused by the question "What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you really just friends, or is there something else going on?" C-111 specified

Pearl smirked "Do you really want to get hit in the balls again"

"I'm just curious"

Pearl chuckled "No, there is absolutely nothing going on between us"

"And you both want it to stay that way?"

Pearl thought about the question for a second

"Ha, I knew it!" C-111 said

"What?"

"You hesitated" He said smirking

"I was just processing the question" Pearl said blushing

"Yeah, okay" C-111 was now laughing his ass off as Pearl became more and more embarrassed, he tried to calm down a bit before he spoke again "But seriously Pearl, if you really want to get with him just do it, he's not getting any younger, and there's like a 10% chance he won't find a way to make himself immortal"

Pearl was completely humiliated at this point and just wanted to end the conversation altogether, her wish was quickly granted when she heard an alarm signaling the self-destruction of the citadel

"Well, looks like he's not coming back for you" C-111 said

Pearl just smirked as she pulled the portal gun out of her gem "I wouldn't expect him to", she then opened up a portal to the barn and walked through, her arm then came back through to open up a second portal for C-111 to escape through.

Meanwhile at the barn

Two portals appear almost simultaneously, Rick walks out of one, Pearl out of the other. Pearl was the first to speak "So, are we in the clear"

Rick grinned "Yep, hopefully most of the Ricks, Pearls, and Mortys got out alive, but I guarantee we won't have to deal with those assholes again… probably"

Pearl grinned as well "Even if we do, we'll handle them. What was it you said when we first met? Rick and Pearl Adventures forever and ever?"

Rick smirked as he recalled the memory "1,000,000 years Rick and Pearl Adventures"

 **A/N: Well, the title's not a complete lie, he did indeed get the sauce. I hope this episode was worth the wait for you guys, and remember to follow my blog rickandpearladventures on tumblr, where you can get all kinds of Rick and Pearl content while you wait for the next episode… whenever that may be.**


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